have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Boobs speak an international language.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
