Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
