So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
