You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
