Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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