roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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