Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
