I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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