That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
