Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
