I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
