The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
