He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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