..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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