He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
