Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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