My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He passed out mid-signature
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
