and you said cock pushups were impossible
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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