WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
