I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
