I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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