What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
