And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
and you fell through a lawn chair
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
