she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just shotgunned beers for America
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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