Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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