I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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