he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
