I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
