do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
