its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize