my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize