Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
