dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
