I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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