the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
