I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
