I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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