i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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