I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize