i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
