It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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