I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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