Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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