remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
