Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
