Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
