Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
