....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
