OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize