wrigley field is MILF paradise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
