I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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