The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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