Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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