The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
