Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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