Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
