Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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