Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize