last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
