i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
