I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
