Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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