True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i've created a new STD.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
