I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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