Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
